Waiting

“Waiting” is my least favorite nemesis who shows no mercy to any of his victims.   He seems to be the chief instigator who derives pleasure from watching me  suffer.  I don't like him one bit and I can't wait for him to be gone.

Right now, my trial is coming to a close -- a definite conclusion within a matter of days – and there is absolutely no way in the world that I can predict the results of which way it will go.  In the past, I could sometimes tell how the story might end through various clues, the hints, and other revealing elements.  But this one is going to be a bit more difficult.

I know the Lord has been preparing me for this for quite some time.   I have complete confidence that His sovereignty reigns over everything including this situation which He has allowed to permeate my life.  I have never been one to wait patiently with my hands folded politely in my lap.  Not me.  Never will be.  But I have learned a few interesting things about this rabid arch-enemy of mine.  


When we are faced with a trial that requires extensive waiting, we do have a choice in how we react.  Many of us will go back and forth, up and down, in and out with our emotions in response to the waiting process.  I know there have been many times when I have relinquished my will to trust the Lord – and have given in to periods of discouragement and anxiety, as I have anticipated what the end will look like.  I can honestly say that this accomplishes absolutely nothing other than to create potential ulcers, short bitten fingernails and an upset stomach – you get the picture.  

It is clear that the Holy Spirit has sustained me throughout this past year with the most amazing calmness, peace and assurance, even though on some days, I have chosen not to appropriate that peace.  Because sometimes its just easier to worry and fret and agonize over the “what if’s"  or become anxious and then project into the future about “now what," then make a roundabout turn, look back into the past, and focus on the “if only's…” scenarios.   For me, it will be a matter of learning to live with what happens.  That will be the hard part.  I have an idea as to how it might look if it goes in one direction, but even if it goes the other way -- I am not particularly prepared for the emotional consequences of either situation.  I know either way, it will not be easy.  Not that I expect God to go easy on me.  I mean -- I have been one of His followers for over forty years, and I know He expects more from me than He would from one of His newer believers. Still, it does not make the anticipation any less stressful. 

I have not done as well as I thought I would with this particular trial, but I am constantly reminded that God is in control – and I am not – and that He can work in and around this chaotic mess and can actually make something beautiful out of it.  Even though I know that I am not responsible for what happens; that I did not cause this situation to happen; and that I could not have prevented it from happening -- It really is just a matter of stepping back and saying (over and over again if necessary), "Yes Lord, I know you will get me through this – I just have to let go and allow You to do Your job..."

Another response is to try and prematurely fix the problem on your own before its even ready.  Sort of like opening a cocoon and pulling out a butterfly before its wings are strong enough to support its ability to fly.  You might think you're hurrying things along and "helping,", but it was not designed to work like that.  Not a good thing.  Sometimes you just have no choice but to let it go and remember that “all things work together for good to those who love God and who are called according to His purposes.” Roman 8:28.

Waiting is never easy.  I think about all the times in my life when I've had to wait.  Waiting in a doctor's offices for that first shot, waiting for the summer to end and a new school year to begin, waiting to get your braces off and show off that sparking new smile, waiting for that special guy to call and ask you out on a date, waiting for that first kiss (sigh), waiting for the proposal and then planning the wedding, waiting to see if you can get pregnant and then nine months more for that little miracle to appear, waiting for that wee one to begin walking and then months later to become potty trained, waiting for your lights to come back on after a storm, waiting to find out if you got this awesome job you just interviewed for, watching and waiting as your parents' health deteriorates and knowing there's nothing you can do to prevent the inevitable -- the list goes on and on.... it cannot help but develop character in you and ultimately make you a much better, stronger person - IF you're just willing to WAIT and allow that to happen.  Ok Lord...I am willing.

Isaiah 40:31 - Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.