Forgotten Trust

I read this book Forgive and Forget by Lewis Smedes years ago which helped me deal with the forgiveness issues I had with my step-dad... and it did help bring healing to my heart... it also gave me the vision to see my dad with different eyes, through the eyes of Jesus - as the young boy that he was who must have endured his own hardship growing up.  I recently found this poem which I wrote back in 1986, over 28 years ago, and I remembered that it was for my dad, who was still alive at the time...it's sad because I see that so many people who live with unresolved baggage issues from their past, who rarely deal with them, and in fact, will most often wil continue to perpetuate those issues into the lives of their spouses, children, relative, friends, etc.  The Lord is willing to help us deal with these issues as long as we are...and He can heal us and keep us from passing it on to those we love or are supposed to love.... He has forgiven us and we can forgive others too.  It's a choice we just have to make.

 

Forgotten Trust – by Patti Stephen   10/10/86

 You fear only one thing . . .

that someday you will awake and be old and alone,
unable to care for yourself. . .
forced to rely on others, vulnerable once more,
defenseless, unsure, just as you were when
as a child you knew no pain
and trust was such an easy word.
 

For it was then

that your fragile spirit was shamefully battered
sadly ignored, taken for granted
and bruised by harsh words.
and you learned quickly to trust no one.
your choices were few, pre-determined by others
and you grew much too fast to enjoy
the loves and dreams of that sweet little boy inside.

The seasons swept by quickly

with more chilling winters than new born springs to warm your bones.
Now after many years of conflicting storms within
in useless attempts to ignore the scars, you try to forget
but a slow burning rage has consumed any
childish trust that remained in your soul.

 

With quiet resolution, anger has become your only friend.
and the little boy inside can no longer be heard or seen
unapproachable and distant, immune to words,
unable to ever be hurt again.
Your walls can be scaled by no one.
and those who try to get close
will find your insulated heart
braced with barriers beyond penetration.

Ironically, you have committed a greater, tragic offense

for the pain from you which ran.
And you have now inflicted on those within your reach.
The love that you required so much as a child
you have withheld from those who had need of it from you
and the insecurity so familiar to you all these years
has now been breathed into the very skin
of those who needed to know you cared.
The waste of emotions of lost years - -
if only you had been willing to forgive
and not forgotten how to trust.

Pleasant Pastures

I wrote this poem back in 1979...just a few years after I graduated from high school.  I was a single 21 year old young woman, living in Jacksonville, FL at the time, and I do not remember what I was going through at the time to motivate me to write this.  I just find it interesting and "coincidental" that considering some of the stressful things I've been going through lately in my life, that I just happen to find this poem while going through some paperwork, decluttering my home (which I'm getting ready to sell here soon hopefully!)   It brought tears to my eyes to re-read this, to be reminded that even after all these 35 years, I still am being drawn closer to my Heavenly Father who indeed does love me so much and does have my best interest in mind at all times no matter what I am going through and that He will never leave me or abandon me.  Amen and amen... 

 

 

 

PLEASANT PASTURES - by Patti Brand Stephen (7-9-79)

 

 

My soul has grown weary . . . and I thirst again for Thy pleasant pastures.

Cause me to drink from Thy river, oh Lord for I will find no peace within my heart 'till I am lead by Thee to those still waters once more.

for Thou hast searched me and Thou doest know my innermost thoughts

as Thy word as often told me. . .

 

fill me up Father, for my cup has been sifted and there remains nothing

but empty dust, dry and desolate as a barren dessert.

give strength to my bones as Thy word has so promised me.

Replenish my resources and lead me into the watered garden

whose waters do not fail.

 

Continue to reveal Thy mercies to me and let Thy silence

darken my door no longer.

Take the quiet corridors of my mind and fill them instead with

harmonious singing.

 

Let the peace of Thy salvation infiltrate my entire being

and may my joy be restored to me once more.

Reduce me to love and let me be content to be Thy humble servant

as I fall into slumber's arms.

Wake me with renewed strength that I might increase in my service

and love for you. . .that I might indeed walk and not grow weary,

run and not grow faint.

 

Cause me to hunger for more of You each day. 

Comfort and console me, dear Lord, as a mother comforts her child.

Dry my tears with Thy compassion and make me smile again.

Keep my mind stayed on Thee and in perfect peace

and let nothing come between me and Thee that will create enmity

or remove the hedge that You have placed around me to protect

me from the evil one.

 

Instead, gently take my hand and let my heart be reassured of

Your glorious promises . . .may I claim them each morning as I am led

through this valley of defeat

to Your green pleasant pastures. . .

grazing on the strength and boldness of Thy Word

and drinking from the well of Thy boundless love.