Broken Down House/Broken Down Me

Now, my house is not in as bad shape as the one portrayed here.  Most of the repairs in my home are cosmetic (although there is a large gaping hole in the roof of a porch which we no longer use - and the whole thing, roof, walls, etc. just need to be torn down).  I chose to live in an older farm house and probably did not realize the cost of living in a house like this and that would need a lot of upkeep. Unfortunately, as a single mom who is not a "handy-mom", I do not have a lot of options. I started thinking of the things that needed "fixing" and it brought to mind of what is involved with maintaining a home:  cleaning, repairing and maintenance, etc. I thought of five areas in the physical sense, but I also saw an interesting spiritual correlation to these same areas in my own life.

1. Regular routine cleaning.  The basics for me are laundry, dishes, dusting, sweeping, mopping the floors, cleaning bathrooms, etc.  I know that I am someone who does not particularly care for house cleaning,  but I also know it's one of those necessarily evils.  It's frustrating to get it all cleaned up and then by the end of the day or the next day, it's a mess again.  I am not a perfectionist and consider myself to be "organized on an as-need-to-be" basis.  However, I know I  need routine and need to develop good consistent habits and pass this on to my kids so they will learn these same lessons.  I know it is important to keep up with the basics regularly.
2. Decluttering and de-junking.  This is an ongoing issue because there are always "things" in the house that we don't use or need and flat surfaces that get filled up quickly with more piles of paper.  I have been trying to go through different rooms in my house and determine if I really need this -- have I used it in the past year -- why do I need to keep it, etc.  I know there are sentimental values and memories that are attached to some of those items.  A few years ago I bought these nice decorative boxes for me and each of my children in which I put various papers, awards, drawings, report cards, etc. It really helped cut back on a lot of the accumulating "kid paperwork."   I know I am not a hoarder, but it's been difficult to make the time to work on these areas. I'd much rather be out and about, reading, listening to music, watching TV or a movie than do these organizational projects.  
3. Yard work and weeding - This is a conflicting area because I used to love gardening, growing flowers, vegetables, herbs, etc. especially when I was a stay-at-home mom.  It was so exciting during the initial planting of the flowers and vegetables, with the anticipation of harvesting the wonderful benefits.  It was the "in between" time that I did not particularly enjoy, i.e., constant weeding, watering and clipping off branches of a rose bush or a tomato bush.  This was especially not very appealing when it was really hot outside.  I'd much rather be inside relaxing with the air conditioning and a glass of ice tea.  The results of NOT weeding or watering was evident in time -- overgrown plants with no fruit or veggies, weeds taking over or plants dying from a lack of water.  It was MY neglect which caused the demise of those plants.  After a while, I just stopped planting gardens because I really did not have the time -- working a full time job -- but also because I was not willing to put in the time that was necessary to ensure positive results.
4. Repair what is broken.  Since I am not a very handy person, I have had to rely on my brother to help me out from time to time when something was broken.  I have paid him when I've had the money, but usually I did not have extra funds for those repairs and could only pay for the supplies he needed.  I was so blessed to have some people at my church who offer, as a ministry, their time to help people like me with these kinds of minor house repairs.  Right now I have a few holes in my walls from when my boys were either playing around or fighting and it's been embarrassing to walk into the house every day to see that.  There are so many things wrong with this house which need repairing, painting, re-tiling that i just wish I could do the Extreme Makeover thing and just have it torn down and build a new one.  Obviously that is not an option so I have to make do with what i have and rely on the Lord for His provision in this area.
5. Preventive Maintenance.  This is one thing I need to work on more regularly.  Like change out my air conditioning filter each month or as needed.  Keep the floors swept and the dogs washed and brushed (to minimize the shedding problem), be careful about the plumbing and make sure not to let food fall down the drain causing clogs, keep the grass cut and weeds wacked (thankfully my kids help with that!)  In general, I am learning that doing regular cleaning, decluttering, weeding, etc. helps keep the cost of repairs to a minimum.

So how does all of this relate to my spiritual life? 

• Routine Cleaning -  I know I need to continue to develop and maintain a routine for the cleaning of my heart and soul.  By that I mean I should keep up with my regular Bible reading and developing my relationship with the Lord, trusting that this will help strengthen me in the long run.  I know I have been saved by God's dear grace and that I cannot lose this salvation, but I know that I incur daily traveling dirt and soil which often hinders the connection I have with the Lord.  I must ask the Lord, as David says in Psalms 51:10, "Create in me a clean heart O God and renew a right spirit within me."  I need to have a clean heart if I expect to have a good relationship with the Lord.  

•  Decluttering and de-junking - I know I need to take a periodic inventory of areas in my life that need decluttering,  to get rid of anything that hinders my relationship with the Lord.  As David says in Psalm 51:7, "Purge me with hyssop and I shall be clean; wash me and I shall be whiter than snow."  I don't want anything or anyone to keep me from maintaining my relationship with the Lord, and I need to be willing to "give up" those things if necessary. Easier said than done, believe me.  

• Weeding - this is similar to the decluttering.  It can be a bit more painful because of the branches in my life that may need clipping from time to time -- necessary in order for the plant to grow or flowers to bloom or fruit to develop.  It takes time and effort and I cannot neglect this area in my life.  If I do, I will suffer the consequences and it will take even that much longer to rid myself of these hindrances in my life.  I like the following verse: I am the true grapevine and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn't produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more fruit. John 15:1-2 (New Living Translation). 

• Repair what needs to be fixed - I need to work on repairing what is spiritually broken in my life or trust the Lord to do the repairs, as He deems necessary, as soon as it breaks if possible.  Again, this can be a painful process and not much fun.  

• Preventive Maintenance - I know if I continue to implement the routine cleaning, the decluttering, the weeding and repairs in my life -- in essence, that is all the preventive maintenance I will need. I need to be willing, teachable, available for the Holy Spirit to work out these things in my life, knowing that in the end, the following verses will be true for me:

 

II Corinithians 3:18 - And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image, from one degree of glory to another.  For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.

That is the ultimate goal in all of this - for me to become conformed to the image of Christ, and that is achieved if I am willing to go through the process willingly and not resist His poking and prodding - to get my attention - to listen and obey the Spirit's voice.  Then when I get to heaven, I will have a new mansion, a new place to live and will never have to worry about repairs or maintaining anything.  I am looking forward to that!

To Whom Shall We Go?

I heard this sermon on John 2 - about Jesus and the money-changers in the temple. How they were not true worshippers nor did they know the true Jesus.  He asked an interesting question, "why do you follow Jesus?" Is it because of what He can do for you? Is it because of the miracles....

I thought about the "hard sayings" that Jesus spoke about a few chapters later in the book of John. This was in Chapter 6:60 when several disciples made the decision to no longer walk with Him because they essentially could not handle the difficult things He was teaching them. Jesus asked His remaining disciples, "Will you leave too?" to which the disciples replied, "To whom shall we go? You alone have the words of eternal life and we have believed and have to come to know that you are the Holy One of God." Those are some powerful words. That is the only reason to follow Him because He alone can speak the words that bring eternal life to the souls of men. To my soul. To me. Where else can I really go to find words that eternally satisfy?

I know there are times that I have looked for the short-cuts, where I have complained about the hard things that I was going through at the time, and I have purposely looked for the easy way out rather than to persevere. Thank you Lord that you have pursued me with an everlasting love and you have not given up on me. (Written by me in December 2008)

Looking into someone else's window...

I saw this picture of a little girl looking into the window of a family (not her own) having a nice dinner and having a wonderful time together. I don't know the story behind it, but it very well could have been me.  Sometimes I will peer into other's windows (figuratively speaking mind you) and wish I had that kind of family or husband or sweet respectful children like those I see at church, at the store in line, in the doctor's office, etc. I will sometimes wistfully look at other families and wish I could have the same kind of peace and happiness they seem to have. I don't wish for the material things that others have as much as I long for the peace and loving atmosphere that I see in other families and which is sometimes lacking in [me] my own family.

I know that all families have their "issues." What I may perceive as "something better" may not always be better. That's not to disparage those families; it just helps me to keep my rambling thoughts in perspective. I am also mindful that much of the peace depends upon me. Romans 12:18 says, "If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. [emphasis mine] and I understand that a lot of the peace that I desire does depend upon my attitude, my choices and actions.

I've heard it said that mothers are the barometer in the home; if a mom is in a tizzy about something; their children will often respond (or react) accordingly. If she engages her children in a warm and loving manner, more often than not, they will respond the same.

There's a quote in a book called "If" by missionary Amy Carmichael that says, “If a sudden jar can cause me to speak an impatient, unloving word, than I know nothing of Calvary love, for a cup brimful of sweet water cannot spill even one drop of bitter water however suddenly jolted.”

I remember that quote usually AFTER my words spill out in anger or frustration. I know I am not always the best example to my children, and I find myself having to apologize and asking for their forgiveness.  I know in my heart that I need to look to Him to meet my needs and to help me become more content. I also need to become more proactive and change the things I know I have control over.

Dear Lord, please change ME and help me not to be concerned about any changes in my children or anyone else. Only then will I be able to learn more about this true spirit of contentment that You have trying to teach me these past few years. (This was written by me in November 2008).

I am Both Sons -the Prodigal and the Older Brother

(This was written by me back on 11/20/08)

I'm the prodigal and the older brother...

First I believe I started out as the older brother, the good one... the one who never did anything wrong, who looked down on others who made bad choices, who got divorced, who sometimes cussed and yelled at their kids, etc. - you fill in the blank. I basically didn't commit any "big sins" and always asked forgiveness for those pesky smaller ones. I obeyed God, followed his rules; it was easy. I also resented that annoying younger brother who left home early and seemed to get away with everything. It just wasn't fair that he got his inheritance early while I stayed behind and worked hard on the farm with such obedience.

Then almost overnight, I became the younger brother. After many years of marriage I was a divorced single mom. I struggled with unrelenting guilt even after I asked God for forgiveness for this "big" sin, the one that I had condemned others for when I was the older brother. I mean it's not like I went out and had an affairwith somebody, but still, I felt bad because I contributed my share to the demise of the marriage.  Even after many years, I still battled with the persistent guilt and a sense that the Father could never forgive me. Even when I knew in my head that my Father's forgiveness is full and complete, I would still find myself wandering in the desert in search of my Father's approval and love.

I don't really care to be either brother. The older one is arrogant, unfeeling, self-righteous and devoid of any real heart. The younger brother is rash, impulsive and wasteful. But at least he ultimately saw his sin as it really was and he was the only one who finally understood his father's love for him. He fully experienced the forgiveness he thought would never happen.  I don't think the older brother ever figured it out.

I guess I would like to be the middle brother (not specifically mentioned in the story) who sees the problems and issues of his younger and older brother and learns the lessons from both. The whole parable is found in the book of Luke, chapter 15, but I like the verse at the end that says,

It was fitting to celebrate and be glad, for
this your brother was dead, and is alive; he
was lost, and is found. Luke 15:32

Clean Laundry

This story came in an email.

A young couple moves into a new neighborhood. The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside. 'That laundry is not very clean', she said. 'She doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.'  Her husband looked on, but remained silent.


Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments. About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband:  'Look, she has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this?' The husband said, 'I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows.' And so it is with life. What we see when watching others depends on the purity of the window through which we look.

Lord, please clean the windows of my heart. Remove the traveling dirt that seems to cling to those panes. Let me first look to my own soul, that it would be purified and cleansed by your Holy Spirit. Help me to not be judgmental of others and their shortcomings or flaws, but help me to see them clearly through your loving, compassionate eyes.
Amen.

Everything - He's All I Need

I have been a flawed follower of Jesus Christ for over forty years.  Most of those years have been fairly stable and consistent.  Unfortunately, there have been many years where I have had to live with the unfortunate consequences of my foolish choices, where I have no one to blame for my situation other than myself.  Occasionally, my heart has become hardened and disillusioned because its during those times that I don't always believe how much the Lord loves me.  I feel like He has abandoned and forsaken me and that I'm still being punished for my past.  I know in my heart this is not true, but this song by Lifehouse - Everything -- so clearly depicts where our hearts should be focused towards.  Even though I am not  "there" yet in that I live as though I truly believe "He is all I need - He is all I want" - I do strive for that to be true in my life.  Here's the link to the video and below are the words that speak very intentionally and purposely to my heart.

The Lyrics to "Everything" by Lifehouse


Find me here, and speak to me 
I want to feel you, I need to hear you You are the light that's leading me to the place Where I find peace again You are the strength that keeps me walking You are the hope that keeps me trusting You are the life to my soul You are my purpose You're everything And how can I stand here with you And not be moved by you Would you tell me how could it be any better than this? 
You calm the storms and you give me rest You hold me in your hands You won't let me fall You steal my heart and you take my breath away Would you take me in, take me deeper now And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you Would you tell me how could it be any better than this And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you Would you tell me how could it be any better than this 
Cause you're all I want, you're all I need You're everything, everything You're all I want You're all I need You're everything, everything You're all I want You're all I need You're everything, everything You're all I want You're all I need Everything, everything 
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you Would you tell me how could it be any better than this And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you Would you tell me how could it be any better-any better than this And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you Would you tell me how could it be any better than this 

Getting Pulled Over...

So I was driving my son to school and saw a state trooper behind me so I slowed down on the highway even though I wasn't speeding. The officer started flashing her lights and I didn't know it was ME she was after (ha). So I pulled over and started panicking.  She took my license, insurance card and registration and didn't tell me what I did wrong, and I was afraid to ask.  After she came back and told me my left break light was not working and further pointed out I need two new front tires (which I knew) but that was it.  Sure scared me because I haven't gotten a ticket in years.   It just seems interesting to me that I feel guilty when I see a police car behind me and I am not doing anything wrong. Kinda reminds me of how often I wrongly perceive God's grace and mercy at times.  I have a hard time accepting the sweet gifts that He wants to give to me and I feel so undeserving.  But it's true!  I don't deserve those blessings, but I need to learn how to graciously accept  them because He loves me so very much.  And then when the difficult things happen, I need to grasp those moments, embrace them, even though they hurt my heart and pull myself closer to Him.  It creates an image in my mind of how the Holy Spirit sometimes needs to pull us over to gently correct some things that need fixing in our lives. Just sayin.