I am Both Sons -the Prodigal and the Older Brother

(This was written by me back on 11/20/08)

I'm the prodigal and the older brother...

First I believe I started out as the older brother, the good one... the one who never did anything wrong, who looked down on others who made bad choices, who got divorced, who sometimes cussed and yelled at their kids, etc. - you fill in the blank. I basically didn't commit any "big sins" and always asked forgiveness for those pesky smaller ones. I obeyed God, followed his rules; it was easy. I also resented that annoying younger brother who left home early and seemed to get away with everything. It just wasn't fair that he got his inheritance early while I stayed behind and worked hard on the farm with such obedience.

Then almost overnight, I became the younger brother. After many years of marriage I was a divorced single mom. I struggled with unrelenting guilt even after I asked God for forgiveness for this "big" sin, the one that I had condemned others for when I was the older brother. I mean it's not like I went out and had an affairwith somebody, but still, I felt bad because I contributed my share to the demise of the marriage.  Even after many years, I still battled with the persistent guilt and a sense that the Father could never forgive me. Even when I knew in my head that my Father's forgiveness is full and complete, I would still find myself wandering in the desert in search of my Father's approval and love.

I don't really care to be either brother. The older one is arrogant, unfeeling, self-righteous and devoid of any real heart. The younger brother is rash, impulsive and wasteful. But at least he ultimately saw his sin as it really was and he was the only one who finally understood his father's love for him. He fully experienced the forgiveness he thought would never happen.  I don't think the older brother ever figured it out.

I guess I would like to be the middle brother (not specifically mentioned in the story) who sees the problems and issues of his younger and older brother and learns the lessons from both. The whole parable is found in the book of Luke, chapter 15, but I like the verse at the end that says,

It was fitting to celebrate and be glad, for
this your brother was dead, and is alive; he
was lost, and is found. Luke 15:32