Condemned

I wrote this poem many years ago (I think around 2004) - the church I was attending tried this really creative approach to Easter...we were challenged to create something to describe some element of the Cross or the resurrection. It could be paintings, photography, sculptures, etc.  They were all placed on display a week before Easter sort of like an art gallery... I was so impressed with some people's incredible creative talents.  

When I was considering what to create, I thought through several options.   I enjoyed writing poetry so I felt compelled to try that.   I also loved taking pictures - so I went around town, taking photos at different locations and settings in order to put together something that might fit into a story/poem. The house was an old shack on some property a few miles away from where I lived.  It was "condemned" and was getting ready to be torn down.  There is a new subdivision there now.  Something about that house seemed so sad and lonely.  I took some of the wood laying next to the door and made a frame - which I later placed the photographs  and the poem inside...it was really neat.  The second and third pictures were from the graveyard near downtown Jacksonville.  I saw this tombstone of a woman named Elizabeth Buffington who was born in 1840. I wondered about her story and what she was all about -- and then I saw this cross that seemed to tie everything together....   all "ancient" elements....that helped me to create a really interesting story so we could focus on the reason for the Cross.  

CONDEMNED

the weathered house would bear those words

no one cared, no one heard

the broken walls were stooped in shame

alone and battered - no pride remained.

no other option could be found

the final sentence – now pronounced.

no appeal, no second chance

just a futile dismal circumstance.

DESPAIR

The well-worn grave would yield no dream

the years between the dates would bring

a portrait of a life cut down.

no outstretched arms, no laughing sounds.

no mother’s smiles to dry the tears

no comfort from imagined fears

an Epitaph upon a stone,

a mother’s memories never known.

transcending sadness through all time

a lonely grave, a telling sign.

HOPE

the Cross would bring an end to pain

for those who felt condemned with blame.

for those ensnared by Satan’s grasp

no more shame, no mocking past.

the Cross would light the darkened path

of those who only knew God’s wrath–

who now could walk with heads held high

because of what that Cross would buy.

God’s love for them, beyond compare

no more condemned – no more despair.

If I Met You From Scratch - written originally 6-8-12

(I wrote this last year about someone, a good guy friend of mine.  We never ended up dating, but remained good friends, but I think it was a fun poem/song.  Enjoy!)

I wonder what it’d be like
if I had met you from scratch.
With no history or prior knowledge
Just a good old fashioned match.
What if I’d never ever seen you,
Or hadn’t met you before
And the first time that it happened
Was in a grocery store.

I would see you look intently
at all the meats and cheeses
And I’d ask for your opinion
And of course, I would say “please.”
And you would be so helpful
to explain it all to me
more than I’d ever want to know
about all that meat and cheese.

I’d stare into those blue green eyes
and see that precious grin
and I’d know right from the very start
that for me it was the end.
We’d talk and talk for quite some time
then I knew we’d have to go
You’d say, “we’ll have to hang out soon
for dinner and a show.”

And I'd smile and flirt right back at you
and I’d say, "is that a date? "
you'd blush and say "oh no--
just hanging out --hey -- but wait..."
"let me get your number
and I’ll be sure to text you mine.
we'll figure all this stuff out,
heck -- we’ve got lots of time."

I'd stop and ponder what you said
as I'd pass my number on
and I knew it’d be such fun with you
With all we had in common.
I’d imagine what we’d do and wonder
Where we’d go
And think of all the times we’d eat
Or hang out at the show.

I’d stare into those sweet sweet eyes
While my heart just turned to mush
And thought of all things we’d do…
And couldn’t help but blush…
You’d say “I’ll see you later”
I’d nod and say ‘sweet dreams”
-- and then I just woke up from my nap
Overheated, but so serene.

Not for a Moment Did You Forsake Me...

I am aware that I have always had "dad" issues since I never had a father who really loved me or who had my best interest in mind.  My mom married my step-dad when I was just three years old, and even back then, I knew he never cared for me, and he always seemed to resent me even as a young child.  It was quite painful and very difficult to live with this situation.

Thankfully, when I became a follower of Jesus at the age of 13, I was able to transition my perception and view of God as my true heavenly Father, as the one who infinitely cared for me and who would always watch out for me.  I remember keeping a journal back in high school, and each entry would began with "Dear Father" as I felt quite comfortable addressing Him as my "dad".

Yet even with that in place, at times it was still very hard for me because it was obvious I did not have a true, loving earthly father who would do anything in the world for me simply because he loved me.  For many years, I would struggle with rejection and abandonment issues until the Lord brought a counselor into my life to help bring healing to my broken heart.  He also worked through my issues of forgiveness towards my step-dad, which was a part of the healing process.  The sad thing is that even when I forgave him for all the things he had done to me over the years, I still did not feel any emotional attachment towards him because we had never cultivated any kind of father/daughter relationship.  I could never view him as my dad even up to the day he passed away a few years ago.

For many years I remember feeling obligated to buy him a Father's Day card, and how difficult it was to find a simple generic, non-emotional card that just said, "Happy Father's Day" (not too many of those out there).  I remember watching T.V. shows that had really loving, fun dads and wondered if people like them really existed in real life.  I also remember friends of mine who had great relationships with their fathers -- I was sometimes so envious of that -- and I could see how that would often trigger a deep sense of loss of that which I would never know. 
 

I remember when I moved out of my home the day after graduating from high school (yes, he made me move out and I was not even eighteen yet).   Even with that situation, the Lord helped me to find a place to live -- with one of my best friends from high school -- whose family welcomed me into their home for a period of time.  Later, He helped me to find a more permanent place through another friend who's mom and dad rented an apartment to me.  As the years continued to unfold, He opened the doors to show me just the right job, just the right place to live, the right church to attend, and brought me the best friends to hang out with -- the list goes on and on as to how He provided for all of my needs. 

The positive thing is that on that day, October 31, 1971, the God of the Universe claimed me as His own daughter, and He would continue to hold me close to His heart by providing for all of my needs.  Even now after all these years of having Him in my life as my heavenly  "dad", I can see how He has taken care of me, how he has kept me from making some really dumb mistakes and how He always had my best interest at heart.  Of course, there were times when I did make some really bad choices, and He was able to refurbish my life and turn things around for me in spite of my foolishness.  I see how even now He has protected me from continuing to make bad decisions by closing certain doors and taking people out of my life who were not be good for me to be around.  

These are just a few examples of how I have been blessed, and as the song by Meredith Andrews says, "not for a moment" did He ever forsake me.  Every day when I look around and see how He has intervened on my behalf, how He has kept me from walking down the wrong path, how He has continued to heal my heart by showering me with His gracious love, I cannot help but rejoice because I know He cares deeply about all that happens to me.  He has indeed been the best "dad" in the world and for that I am eternally grateful. I want to share the song, "Not for a Moment Did You Forsake Me" by Meredith Andrews.  When you listen to the words, you will understand why every time I hear it, my eyes just fill with tears, and I feel such gratitude for my precious heavenly Father who loves me so much and always will!

Here's the YouTube video of Meredith Andrews song,

"Not for a Moment Did You Forsake Me"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08s3GKRict8

You were reaching through the storm
Walking on the water
Even when I could not see
In the middle of it all
When I thought You were a thousand miles away
Not for a moment did You forsake me
Not for a moment did You forsake me

Chorus:
After all You are constant
After all You are only good
After all You are sovereign
Not for a moment will You forsake me
Not for a moment will You forsake me

You were singing in the dark
Whispering Your promise
Even when I could not hear
I was held in Your arms
Carried for a thousand miles to show
Not for a moment did You forsake me
 (Chorus)

And every step every breath you are there
Every tear every cry every prayer
In my heart at my worst
When my world falls down
Not for a moment will You forsake me
Even in the dark
Even when it's hard
You will never leave me
After all

(Chorus)

Different Eyes, a Different Heart

(This was written for a friend of mine, but I think it can apply to several people I know.)

When I look at you, I see you with different eyes—the Lord’s eyes,
the Lord’s heart.

I see that people are drawn to you because of your kindness and compassion.

You are so enveloping, so loving in how you care about others.

I see the depths of who you are - the kind of person you can become,

what you are capable of achieving as you seek your purpose in life.

Then there are other times when my vision shifts,

and I can sense the deeper, darker side.

as I see the sorrowful portion of your spirit

which has been torn and scattered like dust over the dry desert.

I cannot help but reach out to you and try to touch your heart, your soul

with His healing hand of comfort as I sense the brokenness within you.

It brings out such a strong wave of sadness in me
that sometimes I weep in sorrow for you.

I cry out to the Lord on your behalf and ask Him to reveal Himself to you

in a special intimate way where you will feel incredibly drawn to Him

and His kindness, His mercy, His forgiveness, and unconditional love.

I pray that you will not be able to resist Him and His healing touch.

That He will sustain you from the inside out

from all that you have been through in this life,

that you will experience the most amazing sensation

of His power and strength and of His insatiable love for you,

that you will finally understand what His grace is all about,

that He wants to reach out to the deepest depths of your soul

and rebuild your shattered heart.

that He desires to adopt you and persistently pursue you,
to love you and embrace you as His child.

And I am confident that in time you will find this treasure

and you will accept this amazing gift.

that you will feel overwhelmingly blessed with
His empowering love strengthening you.

You will find your purpose in life
because you will become a different person.

You will finally understand just how much
the God of the universe loves and cares so deeply about you.

And you will be compelled to reach out to others just as you do now,

But in a different way as you shower them with the love of the Lord
which will reside within you all because you will see them with

different eyes and a different heart.

A Habit of the Heart or A Duty of the Will

I’ve heard these expressions before and they are quite diverse in their meaning.  What is our motivation for doing what we do in this life? For loving whom we love, for giving what we give?  Do we feel obligated – because that’s what we think is expected of us from the people we’re reaching out to? Do we respond out of a sense of duty to the love we have received from other individuals?  Do we do things for God because we think that’s what He wants from us, to get His approval?  Do we even know how to evaluate our motives to determine why we do what we do or has it just become so automatic and senseless that we operate out of a sheer guilt?  Do we even understand what grace is all about or how to accept God's love for us?

There's the story of Mary Magdalene, in Luke 7:38-44 (NIV) where she gave so much from her heart to Jesus simply because of His love for her and because she knew how much she had been forgiven for her bad choices and sins.  This is such a great example of someone who is giving back to the Lord with the right motive and heart attitude.

³⁸ As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them. ³⁹ When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.” ⁴⁰ Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.” “Tell me, teacher,” he said. ⁴¹ “Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii,^[a] and the other fifty. ⁴² Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?” ⁴³ Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.” “You have judged correctly,” Jesus said. ⁴⁴ Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair.

There is this friend of mine who was married to a man who basically stayed in the marriage for many years only as a “duty of the will."  He later admitted to her after the marriage was over that he realized he never did love her as a wife, but only as a friend (after several kids later), and it was fairly obvious to her that he never cared enough to cultivate a “habit of the heart” regarding their relationship.  He was never motivated enough to want their marriage to work.  In fact, on one occasion, after they were separated, he said if she ever wanted to reconcile with him, he would be open to that option.  She was quick to ask him, “is it because you love me and can’t live without me or is it because of the kids?”  He was reluctant to respond, but he replied, “Well it’s because of the kids initially, but ---”  and he never finished the sentence.  She said to him with sadness in her voice, “I'm sorry.  It has to be much more than that for it to work; it has to be from your heart and not out of a sense of obligation.”  Unfortunately, nothing ever happened and their marriage did die a slow and painful death.

Another friend often questioned the motives that people have for doing what they do in the spiritual realm.  She made it sound like their motivation was so “works-oriented”, that they were just trying to get God's acceptance for their actions and good deeds.  Unfortunately, that may be true for some people who have that mentality about giving back to God, about understanding (or their lack of understanding) grace.  It is quite sad to know that those people are often clueless about who they are in Christ, and they do not perceive that they are indeed worthy of God’s love.  They often feel worthless and uncared for – which may have resulted from a neglected, sometimes abusive background growing up or through various losses they may have experienced throughout their life. It is very difficult to get these people to segue into understanding and accepting God’s impeccable grace and love for them.  It often requires a miracle for it to be developed within their heart – for them to transition into truly loving God as a "habit of the heart" rather than as an obligatory "duty of the will."

For others, their motive is as it should be – it comes from a lifelong habit of the heart – something that has been cultivated deep within them on a continual daily basis.  The whole dynamics is sort of a swivel, somewhat reciprocal, circular motion – they sense the Lord’s love for them and as a result, they turn around and give back to Him through reaching out to others.  They feel blessed and loved by the Lord, so they want to reach out to others who need to see the Lord for who He is.  Their desires are pure and endearing, and people will often respond by accepting the gift of God’s grace and salvation when they sense the Spirit’s compelling invitation because they can actually see Jesus in these people who are reaching out to them.  Then this process starts up within them with that circular back and forth rhythm – where they now want to give back to the Lord for his loving kindness expressed to them.

 

Where are you in this spectrum?  
Do you know and understand how these two dynamics affect your life?  Do you know that if the Lord is extending His hand of love to you, it will most definitely be accompanied by an incredible sense of peace?  My prayer for you is that you will be able to discern the difference and apply it to your day to day living.  May people see Jesus in you and be drawn to Him because of who you are in Him.  May you indeed love Him as a deep habit of the heart and not merely as a duty of the will.   I John 4:19 – We love because He first loved us.

When I Survey His Love for Me....

This is the time of year when we as followers of Jesus Christ reflect on what occurred many years ago when He willingly gave up His life on the cross for us at Calvary.  Sometimes it is difficult to comprehend all that happened back then, to understand why He would make that sacrifice for us.  In Romans 5:6-8, its says, "For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die -- but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."   That is the amazing part -- that while I was still weak, when I was still a sinner, when I was such an ungodly person...Jesus died for me.  

Even though I sometimes feel unworthy, He never perceives me as worthless.  Unworthiness is vastly different than the concept of worthlessness.  It's an attitude of the heart.  If I see myself as being worthless, then it would be extremely difficult to imagine why Jesus would have ever wasted his time, much less his life -- for me.  BUT, when I see myself as being unworthy and undeserving of what He did on that cross for me and others, then it causes my heart to become quiet and reflective, humble and meek as I meditate on how much He loves me!

I love the words to the song "When I Survey the Wondrous Cross" by Isaac Watts.  They are hauntingly beautiful and so richly convey the concept of Christ's love and how we should respond to all He did for us.

1. When I survey the wondrous cross
   On which the Prince of glory died,
   My richest gain I count but loss,
   And pour contempt on all my pride.
2. Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,
   Save in the death of Christ my God!
   All the vain things that charm me most,
   I sacrifice them to His blood.
3. See from His head, His hands, His feet,
   Sorrow and love flow mingled down!
   Did e’er such love and sorrow meet,
   Or thorns compose so rich a crown?
4. Were the whole realm of nature mine,
   That were a present far too small;
   Love so amazing, so divine,
   Demands my soul, my life, my all.
5. When I survey His love for me -- it cultivates such a spirit of awe and gratitude within my soul.  I think of the implications of this miracle -- that the God of the universe would give up His son for me, that He considers me worth dying for and that He desires to have an intimate relationship with me!  It literally makes me want to reach out and hug His neck and say, "thank you Father....for such a special gift, even when I feel so undeserving of everything You've done for me." 
6.  I thought of the verse in Luke 19:41-42, where Jesus looked out over the world, particularly at the city of Jerusalem, and He wept over all the people who would never know Him, 
7. 
   
" And when He (Jesus) drew near and saw the city, He wept over it, saying, “Would that you, even you, had known on this day the things that make for peace! But now they are hidden from your eyes."

1. It made me "happy sad" - that Jesus would look over the valley of time and see all of us who would become His followers one day even though He knew what was about to happen, how difficult it would be, the beatings, the torture, the pain.  He would quietly reflect on the rejection he was about to experience, the hurt, and even the betrayal of those around him -- and yet, He would still choose to go forward to make that sacrifice for us.  Every time I think of these things, my own heart becomes filled with sadness, but also with unfathomable gratitude that He would do this for me.
2. It's interesting -- lately it seems that every time I hear or sing various worship songs, either in my car while driving or at church -- my heart melts with an indescribable joy, and my eyes become filled with tears as I ponder the depths of His love for me -- that He does love me so-o-o-o much - more than any human on this earth ever could. One of my favorite songs is "One Thing Remains" by Kristian Stanfill where it says, "Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me..." It's such an awesome portrayal of the Lord's love, and it refreshes my soul every time I hear it.  Here's the video of that song.  It's simply priceless.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYCJ8EvkGCs

Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice.  Please help me to reflect your love to others whom you bring into my life and that they will see Jesus in me and experience Your love for them.  Amen.

True Fellowship

I have been a flawed follower of Jesus Christ for over forty years, and I have experienced true fellowship, or koinonia, only a handful of times in my life. (I'm referring to fellowship in a group setting, not as individual friendships.)  One definition of koinonia is "communion by intimate participation."  I really liked that description because it seems to accurately reflect the communion of fellowship I knew so well "back in the day."

Fellowship is not necessarily a biblical concept.  It is a relational term.  I think of the book by J.R. Tolkein, "Fellowship of the Rings" and the close intimacy experienced by all those involved in the story.  They were a diverse group of individuals from all backgrounds and lifestyles who had such an impossible task ahead of them.  But it was that task which brought them all together as a unified team, and in the end, they were still committed and bonded to each other.

I remember the TV show "Cheers" which focused on the relationships of those who attended a local bar in Boston, a place "where everybody knows your name."  Some of the people seemed to feel more at home there than at their real home, which was most likely because the free-for-all atmosphere at the bar drew them close together and made them feel comfortable.  Similarly, there's the song, "Piano Man", by Billy Joel, about a pianist who performed regularly at a bar and the people who hung out there on a regular basis.  You get the sense that it was a lot like the bar in Cheers, where people preferred to be there because they felt loved and accepted. 

There are people who play sports on a team or who are in a high school band or orchestra.  Sports or music is the common interest and unifying factor which draws them together.  They don't have to be the same age or gender -- it's what they're involved in which has contributed to the building of their friendships.  My oldest daughter has several friends who attended the same schools with her since the sixth grade.   They were all vocal majors at a local performing arts middle and high school.  I think it is great that they still hang out with each other after all these years.  Even though it was music that initially drew them together, it was the fact that they were all Christians which kept them close even to this day.  My other daughter was in a performing arts high school band and orchestra and has been friends with her band buddies since middle school.  She is now in college and goes to school with many of those same band members.  They are still her BFFs and several of them are believers too.

I believe it was intended by the the Holy Spirit to cultivate a deep sense of intimacy and closeness between believers and within the local church.  Acts 2:42-47 is an excellent description of what the body of Christ was like back then and something the church should never stop striving for even today!

⁴² And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. ⁴³ And awe^[a] came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. ⁴⁴ And all who believed were together and had all things in common. ⁴⁵ And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. ⁴⁶ And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, ⁴⁷ praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved.

As I said, there have only been a few times when I have experienced true communion and intimacy with other believers, specifically in a group setting.  The first occasion was in a weekly Bible study I attended in Key West, Florida back in the late 1970's.  The ages of those in that group ranged from 17 (me) through 65. There were single military guys, high school students, married couples, single older widows and divorced people.  We were studying the book of Romans which was led by an older single Navy chaplain who loved to teach the Bible.  In fact, he was the main reason I ended up attending Moody Bible Institute a few years later because he cultivated such a love and passion for the word of God within my heart that I just wanted to eat up it like candy (dark chocolate of course).  But it was also the people in that study who helped me to see what true biblical koinonia is all about.  Who in the world would ever think that with the demographics of that group, we would be so close to each other?  I mean - really -- what did we have in common with each other, other than our relationship with the Lord?  That was it!  That was enough.  I looked forward to meeting with these people each week.  We enjoyed eating together, laughing together and sharing our prayer requests and interacting with each other as our friend Paul taught us the scripture.

Another time of real fellowship was when I was a student at Moody in the 1980's.  I was in an "older girls" dorm where we lived and ate together, attended classes together and over the years, we developed some really special friendships.  We would regularly pray for someone who was struggling with a serious problem.  We would celebrate when one of us got engaged or if someone found a new job or ministry.  We would eat together in downtown Chicago and in general, we had so much fun together.  To this day, I am still friends with several of those dear classmates.  It was indeed one of the most special times of true fellowship that I've ever experienced!

I'm not sure why, but sometimes it's harder for me to make new friends now that I'm older.  I have been meeting a lot of new people this past year, which I have thoroughly enjoyed, but I know it takes time to build deeper, quality friendships.  This is yet another reason why I cherish the ones I've had all these years.  Some of these relationships began in my high school days in Key West. Some of these began when I was in my 20's, and others are from more recent years to the present.  I still feel connected to all of them, and I am thankful for media like Facebook and email where I can maintain regular contact with these dear people.  Of course, there's always texting, cell phones and interaction in person as well.

Unfortunately, I have not experienced as much true fellowship or koinonia in many of the local churches I have attended over the years.  It's not that true fellowship did not exist in those places.  It's just that I did not feel that connection or sense of community with the people who were there.  I did not always feel welcome nor did I feel included in the "family" of believers.  I think some churches do not encourage or promote true fellowship like that which existed in the New Testament church.  Many people have no idea what it's all about nor do they have a clue as to what they're missing out on.  Some people are simply afraid of opening up or sharing their true feelings with others. Some are judgmental and critical of people and don't care to reach out and encourage other believers.  I have been looking for a church home for many years now.  I've attended several different ones and the main reason I have not stayed is because of the fellowship issue.  There was usually good teaching, good worship music, and efforts to reach out out to the local community, but like I said,  I never felt "at home" or welcome there.  That has been so hard for me because I have missed that spiritual connection, that sense of belonging that I felt so many years ago.

One thing I can say -- is once you have experienced true fellowship as it was intended by the Lord -- it is very difficult to settle for anything less.  It's sort of like having the most amazing steak grilled to perfection, and then having to settle for and live with eating cheap hamburger meat filled with grease and fat.  There's just no comparison to having the "real thing" in your life.

Recently I started visiting a new church in the Jacksonville area, where the members seemed to really connect in the truest biblical sense.  On my first Sunday morning visit, I observed how they interacted with each other and how they reached out to visitors like me and made me feel welcome.  The sermon and worship was awesome and I was really impressed!  Later that week, I attended a Wednesday night bible study, where we had to break into small groups and each of us had to share what we felt could be hindering our walk with the Lord. When it was my turn, I felt a little uncomfortable because I did not want to share too much since I did not know them that well. I had planned to share a basic prayer concern, and then unexpectedly, I started crying because my heart was filled with such stress and anxiety over some issues going on in my life.   I was so afraid and nervous, but the people in my group stopped and prayed with me and made me feel like I was part of their spiritual family.  It was the most amazing thing -- something I had not experienced in years.  I believe that the Lord was so gracious to have directed to me a place like this because He knew I needed to be there with these believers.  He knew I was in need of the kind of true fellowship which I had known in the past, and He made His presence known to me through these people who were so kind to reach out to me.  It was so precious and encouraging, and I am so thankful I found a place like that to worship the Lord with such sweet believers.

I know that true biblical fellowship is out there in the world.  It exists between individual believers and in "life groups" or bible studies and in local churches.  I do believe, however, that it has to be the Spirit of God who dispenses His grace on those individuals and groups because the quality and intensity of fellowship can vary so much - as I can personally attest to that fact.  We cannot make a group be close to each other; we cannot force a friendship to become strengthened.  Only the Spirit can do that, and when He does, it can be the most awesome experience -- it gives us a glimpse of what heaven will be like when we get to share eternity together and enjoy the most amazing grilled steak with these dear brothers and sisters in Christ.

Lord Jesus, thank you for your Spirit who knows our needs and who leads us to other believers where we can experience true koinonia.  May we be sensitive to those around us and be willing to reach out to them so they can feel a part of your family and may we never settle for less than what we know to be the best -- as far as what true fellowship is all about -- the way you intended for it be amongst your body of believers and the local church.  In your name, Amen. 

The Runaway

by Patti Brand Stephen - written August 17, 1979

I was going through some of my papers this week and found a few of my poems which I had written back in my early 20's.  I wrote this particular poem/song over 33 years ago.  It was about someone who had walked away from his family and his relationship with the Lord.  He had been married for a long time to a woman who had been the love of his life and they had two children together (one son who had died in a bicycle/car accident a few years earlier).  He ultimately left his wife for someone else.  He had a successful business and was quite prideful and sometimes arrogant, but he was a basically a nice man.  He was my landlord and owned the apartment building I rented in Riverside.  He had no idea I was aware of all these things about him.  One of his family members told me about his situation, and from that point on, my heart was simply broken. It made me so sad to see the pain that had seared the hearts of everyone involved.  For some reason, I felt inspired by the Lord to write this about him, and I was able to sneak a copy of it into his home when dropping off my rent check (without my name on it as the author of course).  I had hoped he would read it and perhaps might be challenged to make some changes in his life.  Not long thereafter, I moved away to Chicago, and as far as I know, he never turned back to the Lord nor his family.  I learned that he died a few years later of a rare medical condition and was all alone.

The Runaway 

When questioned on this matter, how can you justify

The fact that you have left your first love and slowly watched it die?

How can you reason in your heart the guilt that you must bear

The secret sin that stains your life shows on the face you wear.

As you’ve often wakened in the midst of lonely sleepless nights

You struggle in the battle of what is wrong and what is right.

Who wins the final battle will be evident in time

For you know before it’s over that within your heart you’ll find.

That you traded away your honor and exchanged it for a lie

And believed that it was hopeless long before you’d even try

To change the mis-matched patterns that were woven through your past,

And doubtful, very doubtful that the “good” would ever last.

(Chorus) Oh child, know that I love you and My heart is grieved within,

To know that you just turn from me and continue in your sin.

How many sorrows will be yours before you start to see

That I loved you with a love drawn from eternity.

Are you really that sufficient that you can toss my love aside?

Or has it somehow lost its way beneath your stubborn pride?

What thoughts must travel from your mind into your closet heart

At night when all is quiet and your room is still and dark?

Have you kept no mercy? Won’t your conscience be relieved?

Can you tell me that you simply have no time left to believe?

Or is the truth you’ve left the only way you know is right?

Disguised with worldly rationale and veiled in subtle light.

For you walk away in silence and the bond of love is torn.

Can‘t you see that my love’s deeper than any scar you’ve ever worn?

(Chorus)

And the chasm grows between us and can’t be bridged by empty words.

Nor by vain and useless promises that o’er the years I’ve heard.

Can I not bless you any better? Or shall I take away your props

Of all that means so very much to you before your running stops?

And the prayers I’ve heard in heaven from those whose hearts were sore

From the heartache you have left with them and the burdens that they bore.

Weighed so heavily upon them that it causes me to mourn- for you, my child

Because it’s Me, not them, you’ve scorned

For I’ll not force my way upon you, but I’ll make you more aware

Of ways that will remind you that you’re always in my care.

But when your riches turn to ashes and your life has turned to dust,

You will look back on the things in which you’ve put your trust.

And your mind will grow so weary as you reap the things you’ve sown

Perhaps my child, you’ll realize, it’s time to come back home.