True Fellowship

I have been a flawed follower of Jesus Christ for over forty years, and I have experienced true fellowship, or koinonia, only a handful of times in my life. (I'm referring to fellowship in a group setting, not as individual friendships.)  One definition of koinonia is "communion by intimate participation."  I really liked that description because it seems to accurately reflect the communion of fellowship I knew so well "back in the day."

Fellowship is not necessarily a biblical concept.  It is a relational term.  I think of the book by J.R. Tolkein, "Fellowship of the Rings" and the close intimacy experienced by all those involved in the story.  They were a diverse group of individuals from all backgrounds and lifestyles who had such an impossible task ahead of them.  But it was that task which brought them all together as a unified team, and in the end, they were still committed and bonded to each other.

I remember the TV show "Cheers" which focused on the relationships of those who attended a local bar in Boston, a place "where everybody knows your name."  Some of the people seemed to feel more at home there than at their real home, which was most likely because the free-for-all atmosphere at the bar drew them close together and made them feel comfortable.  Similarly, there's the song, "Piano Man", by Billy Joel, about a pianist who performed regularly at a bar and the people who hung out there on a regular basis.  You get the sense that it was a lot like the bar in Cheers, where people preferred to be there because they felt loved and accepted. 

There are people who play sports on a team or who are in a high school band or orchestra.  Sports or music is the common interest and unifying factor which draws them together.  They don't have to be the same age or gender -- it's what they're involved in which has contributed to the building of their friendships.  My oldest daughter has several friends who attended the same schools with her since the sixth grade.   They were all vocal majors at a local performing arts middle and high school.  I think it is great that they still hang out with each other after all these years.  Even though it was music that initially drew them together, it was the fact that they were all Christians which kept them close even to this day.  My other daughter was in a performing arts high school band and orchestra and has been friends with her band buddies since middle school.  She is now in college and goes to school with many of those same band members.  They are still her BFFs and several of them are believers too.

I believe it was intended by the the Holy Spirit to cultivate a deep sense of intimacy and closeness between believers and within the local church.  Acts 2:42-47 is an excellent description of what the body of Christ was like back then and something the church should never stop striving for even today!

⁴² And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. ⁴³ And awe^[a] came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. ⁴⁴ And all who believed were together and had all things in common. ⁴⁵ And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. ⁴⁶ And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, ⁴⁷ praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved.

As I said, there have only been a few times when I have experienced true communion and intimacy with other believers, specifically in a group setting.  The first occasion was in a weekly Bible study I attended in Key West, Florida back in the late 1970's.  The ages of those in that group ranged from 17 (me) through 65. There were single military guys, high school students, married couples, single older widows and divorced people.  We were studying the book of Romans which was led by an older single Navy chaplain who loved to teach the Bible.  In fact, he was the main reason I ended up attending Moody Bible Institute a few years later because he cultivated such a love and passion for the word of God within my heart that I just wanted to eat up it like candy (dark chocolate of course).  But it was also the people in that study who helped me to see what true biblical koinonia is all about.  Who in the world would ever think that with the demographics of that group, we would be so close to each other?  I mean - really -- what did we have in common with each other, other than our relationship with the Lord?  That was it!  That was enough.  I looked forward to meeting with these people each week.  We enjoyed eating together, laughing together and sharing our prayer requests and interacting with each other as our friend Paul taught us the scripture.

Another time of real fellowship was when I was a student at Moody in the 1980's.  I was in an "older girls" dorm where we lived and ate together, attended classes together and over the years, we developed some really special friendships.  We would regularly pray for someone who was struggling with a serious problem.  We would celebrate when one of us got engaged or if someone found a new job or ministry.  We would eat together in downtown Chicago and in general, we had so much fun together.  To this day, I am still friends with several of those dear classmates.  It was indeed one of the most special times of true fellowship that I've ever experienced!

I'm not sure why, but sometimes it's harder for me to make new friends now that I'm older.  I have been meeting a lot of new people this past year, which I have thoroughly enjoyed, but I know it takes time to build deeper, quality friendships.  This is yet another reason why I cherish the ones I've had all these years.  Some of these relationships began in my high school days in Key West. Some of these began when I was in my 20's, and others are from more recent years to the present.  I still feel connected to all of them, and I am thankful for media like Facebook and email where I can maintain regular contact with these dear people.  Of course, there's always texting, cell phones and interaction in person as well.

Unfortunately, I have not experienced as much true fellowship or koinonia in many of the local churches I have attended over the years.  It's not that true fellowship did not exist in those places.  It's just that I did not feel that connection or sense of community with the people who were there.  I did not always feel welcome nor did I feel included in the "family" of believers.  I think some churches do not encourage or promote true fellowship like that which existed in the New Testament church.  Many people have no idea what it's all about nor do they have a clue as to what they're missing out on.  Some people are simply afraid of opening up or sharing their true feelings with others. Some are judgmental and critical of people and don't care to reach out and encourage other believers.  I have been looking for a church home for many years now.  I've attended several different ones and the main reason I have not stayed is because of the fellowship issue.  There was usually good teaching, good worship music, and efforts to reach out out to the local community, but like I said,  I never felt "at home" or welcome there.  That has been so hard for me because I have missed that spiritual connection, that sense of belonging that I felt so many years ago.

One thing I can say -- is once you have experienced true fellowship as it was intended by the Lord -- it is very difficult to settle for anything less.  It's sort of like having the most amazing steak grilled to perfection, and then having to settle for and live with eating cheap hamburger meat filled with grease and fat.  There's just no comparison to having the "real thing" in your life.

Recently I started visiting a new church in the Jacksonville area, where the members seemed to really connect in the truest biblical sense.  On my first Sunday morning visit, I observed how they interacted with each other and how they reached out to visitors like me and made me feel welcome.  The sermon and worship was awesome and I was really impressed!  Later that week, I attended a Wednesday night bible study, where we had to break into small groups and each of us had to share what we felt could be hindering our walk with the Lord. When it was my turn, I felt a little uncomfortable because I did not want to share too much since I did not know them that well. I had planned to share a basic prayer concern, and then unexpectedly, I started crying because my heart was filled with such stress and anxiety over some issues going on in my life.   I was so afraid and nervous, but the people in my group stopped and prayed with me and made me feel like I was part of their spiritual family.  It was the most amazing thing -- something I had not experienced in years.  I believe that the Lord was so gracious to have directed to me a place like this because He knew I needed to be there with these believers.  He knew I was in need of the kind of true fellowship which I had known in the past, and He made His presence known to me through these people who were so kind to reach out to me.  It was so precious and encouraging, and I am so thankful I found a place like that to worship the Lord with such sweet believers.

I know that true biblical fellowship is out there in the world.  It exists between individual believers and in "life groups" or bible studies and in local churches.  I do believe, however, that it has to be the Spirit of God who dispenses His grace on those individuals and groups because the quality and intensity of fellowship can vary so much - as I can personally attest to that fact.  We cannot make a group be close to each other; we cannot force a friendship to become strengthened.  Only the Spirit can do that, and when He does, it can be the most awesome experience -- it gives us a glimpse of what heaven will be like when we get to share eternity together and enjoy the most amazing grilled steak with these dear brothers and sisters in Christ.

Lord Jesus, thank you for your Spirit who knows our needs and who leads us to other believers where we can experience true koinonia.  May we be sensitive to those around us and be willing to reach out to them so they can feel a part of your family and may we never settle for less than what we know to be the best -- as far as what true fellowship is all about -- the way you intended for it be amongst your body of believers and the local church.  In your name, Amen. 

The Runaway

by Patti Brand Stephen - written August 17, 1979

I was going through some of my papers this week and found a few of my poems which I had written back in my early 20's.  I wrote this particular poem/song over 33 years ago.  It was about someone who had walked away from his family and his relationship with the Lord.  He had been married for a long time to a woman who had been the love of his life and they had two children together (one son who had died in a bicycle/car accident a few years earlier).  He ultimately left his wife for someone else.  He had a successful business and was quite prideful and sometimes arrogant, but he was a basically a nice man.  He was my landlord and owned the apartment building I rented in Riverside.  He had no idea I was aware of all these things about him.  One of his family members told me about his situation, and from that point on, my heart was simply broken. It made me so sad to see the pain that had seared the hearts of everyone involved.  For some reason, I felt inspired by the Lord to write this about him, and I was able to sneak a copy of it into his home when dropping off my rent check (without my name on it as the author of course).  I had hoped he would read it and perhaps might be challenged to make some changes in his life.  Not long thereafter, I moved away to Chicago, and as far as I know, he never turned back to the Lord nor his family.  I learned that he died a few years later of a rare medical condition and was all alone.

The Runaway 

When questioned on this matter, how can you justify

The fact that you have left your first love and slowly watched it die?

How can you reason in your heart the guilt that you must bear

The secret sin that stains your life shows on the face you wear.

As you’ve often wakened in the midst of lonely sleepless nights

You struggle in the battle of what is wrong and what is right.

Who wins the final battle will be evident in time

For you know before it’s over that within your heart you’ll find.

That you traded away your honor and exchanged it for a lie

And believed that it was hopeless long before you’d even try

To change the mis-matched patterns that were woven through your past,

And doubtful, very doubtful that the “good” would ever last.

(Chorus) Oh child, know that I love you and My heart is grieved within,

To know that you just turn from me and continue in your sin.

How many sorrows will be yours before you start to see

That I loved you with a love drawn from eternity.

Are you really that sufficient that you can toss my love aside?

Or has it somehow lost its way beneath your stubborn pride?

What thoughts must travel from your mind into your closet heart

At night when all is quiet and your room is still and dark?

Have you kept no mercy? Won’t your conscience be relieved?

Can you tell me that you simply have no time left to believe?

Or is the truth you’ve left the only way you know is right?

Disguised with worldly rationale and veiled in subtle light.

For you walk away in silence and the bond of love is torn.

Can‘t you see that my love’s deeper than any scar you’ve ever worn?

(Chorus)

And the chasm grows between us and can’t be bridged by empty words.

Nor by vain and useless promises that o’er the years I’ve heard.

Can I not bless you any better? Or shall I take away your props

Of all that means so very much to you before your running stops?

And the prayers I’ve heard in heaven from those whose hearts were sore

From the heartache you have left with them and the burdens that they bore.

Weighed so heavily upon them that it causes me to mourn- for you, my child

Because it’s Me, not them, you’ve scorned

For I’ll not force my way upon you, but I’ll make you more aware

Of ways that will remind you that you’re always in my care.

But when your riches turn to ashes and your life has turned to dust,

You will look back on the things in which you’ve put your trust.

And your mind will grow so weary as you reap the things you’ve sown

Perhaps my child, you’ll realize, it’s time to come back home.