Not for a Moment Did You Forsake Me...

I am aware that I have always had "dad" issues since I never had a father who really loved me or who had my best interest in mind.  My mom married my step-dad when I was just three years old, and even back then, I knew he never cared for me, and he always seemed to resent me even as a young child.  It was quite painful and very difficult to live with this situation.

Thankfully, when I became a follower of Jesus at the age of 13, I was able to transition my perception and view of God as my true heavenly Father, as the one who infinitely cared for me and who would always watch out for me.  I remember keeping a journal back in high school, and each entry would began with "Dear Father" as I felt quite comfortable addressing Him as my "dad".

Yet even with that in place, at times it was still very hard for me because it was obvious I did not have a true, loving earthly father who would do anything in the world for me simply because he loved me.  For many years, I would struggle with rejection and abandonment issues until the Lord brought a counselor into my life to help bring healing to my broken heart.  He also worked through my issues of forgiveness towards my step-dad, which was a part of the healing process.  The sad thing is that even when I forgave him for all the things he had done to me over the years, I still did not feel any emotional attachment towards him because we had never cultivated any kind of father/daughter relationship.  I could never view him as my dad even up to the day he passed away a few years ago.

For many years I remember feeling obligated to buy him a Father's Day card, and how difficult it was to find a simple generic, non-emotional card that just said, "Happy Father's Day" (not too many of those out there).  I remember watching T.V. shows that had really loving, fun dads and wondered if people like them really existed in real life.  I also remember friends of mine who had great relationships with their fathers -- I was sometimes so envious of that -- and I could see how that would often trigger a deep sense of loss of that which I would never know. 
 

I remember when I moved out of my home the day after graduating from high school (yes, he made me move out and I was not even eighteen yet).   Even with that situation, the Lord helped me to find a place to live -- with one of my best friends from high school -- whose family welcomed me into their home for a period of time.  Later, He helped me to find a more permanent place through another friend who's mom and dad rented an apartment to me.  As the years continued to unfold, He opened the doors to show me just the right job, just the right place to live, the right church to attend, and brought me the best friends to hang out with -- the list goes on and on as to how He provided for all of my needs. 

The positive thing is that on that day, October 31, 1971, the God of the Universe claimed me as His own daughter, and He would continue to hold me close to His heart by providing for all of my needs.  Even now after all these years of having Him in my life as my heavenly  "dad", I can see how He has taken care of me, how he has kept me from making some really dumb mistakes and how He always had my best interest at heart.  Of course, there were times when I did make some really bad choices, and He was able to refurbish my life and turn things around for me in spite of my foolishness.  I see how even now He has protected me from continuing to make bad decisions by closing certain doors and taking people out of my life who were not be good for me to be around.  

These are just a few examples of how I have been blessed, and as the song by Meredith Andrews says, "not for a moment" did He ever forsake me.  Every day when I look around and see how He has intervened on my behalf, how He has kept me from walking down the wrong path, how He has continued to heal my heart by showering me with His gracious love, I cannot help but rejoice because I know He cares deeply about all that happens to me.  He has indeed been the best "dad" in the world and for that I am eternally grateful. I want to share the song, "Not for a Moment Did You Forsake Me" by Meredith Andrews.  When you listen to the words, you will understand why every time I hear it, my eyes just fill with tears, and I feel such gratitude for my precious heavenly Father who loves me so much and always will!

Here's the YouTube video of Meredith Andrews song,

"Not for a Moment Did You Forsake Me"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08s3GKRict8

You were reaching through the storm
Walking on the water
Even when I could not see
In the middle of it all
When I thought You were a thousand miles away
Not for a moment did You forsake me
Not for a moment did You forsake me

Chorus:
After all You are constant
After all You are only good
After all You are sovereign
Not for a moment will You forsake me
Not for a moment will You forsake me

You were singing in the dark
Whispering Your promise
Even when I could not hear
I was held in Your arms
Carried for a thousand miles to show
Not for a moment did You forsake me
 (Chorus)

And every step every breath you are there
Every tear every cry every prayer
In my heart at my worst
When my world falls down
Not for a moment will You forsake me
Even in the dark
Even when it's hard
You will never leave me
After all

(Chorus)

Different Eyes, a Different Heart

(This was written for a friend of mine, but I think it can apply to several people I know.)

When I look at you, I see you with different eyes—the Lord’s eyes,
the Lord’s heart.

I see that people are drawn to you because of your kindness and compassion.

You are so enveloping, so loving in how you care about others.

I see the depths of who you are - the kind of person you can become,

what you are capable of achieving as you seek your purpose in life.

Then there are other times when my vision shifts,

and I can sense the deeper, darker side.

as I see the sorrowful portion of your spirit

which has been torn and scattered like dust over the dry desert.

I cannot help but reach out to you and try to touch your heart, your soul

with His healing hand of comfort as I sense the brokenness within you.

It brings out such a strong wave of sadness in me
that sometimes I weep in sorrow for you.

I cry out to the Lord on your behalf and ask Him to reveal Himself to you

in a special intimate way where you will feel incredibly drawn to Him

and His kindness, His mercy, His forgiveness, and unconditional love.

I pray that you will not be able to resist Him and His healing touch.

That He will sustain you from the inside out

from all that you have been through in this life,

that you will experience the most amazing sensation

of His power and strength and of His insatiable love for you,

that you will finally understand what His grace is all about,

that He wants to reach out to the deepest depths of your soul

and rebuild your shattered heart.

that He desires to adopt you and persistently pursue you,
to love you and embrace you as His child.

And I am confident that in time you will find this treasure

and you will accept this amazing gift.

that you will feel overwhelmingly blessed with
His empowering love strengthening you.

You will find your purpose in life
because you will become a different person.

You will finally understand just how much
the God of the universe loves and cares so deeply about you.

And you will be compelled to reach out to others just as you do now,

But in a different way as you shower them with the love of the Lord
which will reside within you all because you will see them with

different eyes and a different heart.

A Habit of the Heart or A Duty of the Will

I’ve heard these expressions before and they are quite diverse in their meaning.  What is our motivation for doing what we do in this life? For loving whom we love, for giving what we give?  Do we feel obligated – because that’s what we think is expected of us from the people we’re reaching out to? Do we respond out of a sense of duty to the love we have received from other individuals?  Do we do things for God because we think that’s what He wants from us, to get His approval?  Do we even know how to evaluate our motives to determine why we do what we do or has it just become so automatic and senseless that we operate out of a sheer guilt?  Do we even understand what grace is all about or how to accept God's love for us?

There's the story of Mary Magdalene, in Luke 7:38-44 (NIV) where she gave so much from her heart to Jesus simply because of His love for her and because she knew how much she had been forgiven for her bad choices and sins.  This is such a great example of someone who is giving back to the Lord with the right motive and heart attitude.

³⁸ As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them. ³⁹ When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.” ⁴⁰ Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.” “Tell me, teacher,” he said. ⁴¹ “Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii,^[a] and the other fifty. ⁴² Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?” ⁴³ Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.” “You have judged correctly,” Jesus said. ⁴⁴ Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair.

There is this friend of mine who was married to a man who basically stayed in the marriage for many years only as a “duty of the will."  He later admitted to her after the marriage was over that he realized he never did love her as a wife, but only as a friend (after several kids later), and it was fairly obvious to her that he never cared enough to cultivate a “habit of the heart” regarding their relationship.  He was never motivated enough to want their marriage to work.  In fact, on one occasion, after they were separated, he said if she ever wanted to reconcile with him, he would be open to that option.  She was quick to ask him, “is it because you love me and can’t live without me or is it because of the kids?”  He was reluctant to respond, but he replied, “Well it’s because of the kids initially, but ---”  and he never finished the sentence.  She said to him with sadness in her voice, “I'm sorry.  It has to be much more than that for it to work; it has to be from your heart and not out of a sense of obligation.”  Unfortunately, nothing ever happened and their marriage did die a slow and painful death.

Another friend often questioned the motives that people have for doing what they do in the spiritual realm.  She made it sound like their motivation was so “works-oriented”, that they were just trying to get God's acceptance for their actions and good deeds.  Unfortunately, that may be true for some people who have that mentality about giving back to God, about understanding (or their lack of understanding) grace.  It is quite sad to know that those people are often clueless about who they are in Christ, and they do not perceive that they are indeed worthy of God’s love.  They often feel worthless and uncared for – which may have resulted from a neglected, sometimes abusive background growing up or through various losses they may have experienced throughout their life. It is very difficult to get these people to segue into understanding and accepting God’s impeccable grace and love for them.  It often requires a miracle for it to be developed within their heart – for them to transition into truly loving God as a "habit of the heart" rather than as an obligatory "duty of the will."

For others, their motive is as it should be – it comes from a lifelong habit of the heart – something that has been cultivated deep within them on a continual daily basis.  The whole dynamics is sort of a swivel, somewhat reciprocal, circular motion – they sense the Lord’s love for them and as a result, they turn around and give back to Him through reaching out to others.  They feel blessed and loved by the Lord, so they want to reach out to others who need to see the Lord for who He is.  Their desires are pure and endearing, and people will often respond by accepting the gift of God’s grace and salvation when they sense the Spirit’s compelling invitation because they can actually see Jesus in these people who are reaching out to them.  Then this process starts up within them with that circular back and forth rhythm – where they now want to give back to the Lord for his loving kindness expressed to them.

 

Where are you in this spectrum?  
Do you know and understand how these two dynamics affect your life?  Do you know that if the Lord is extending His hand of love to you, it will most definitely be accompanied by an incredible sense of peace?  My prayer for you is that you will be able to discern the difference and apply it to your day to day living.  May people see Jesus in you and be drawn to Him because of who you are in Him.  May you indeed love Him as a deep habit of the heart and not merely as a duty of the will.   I John 4:19 – We love because He first loved us.