Accepting the Blessings of God

I have a problem.  With a spirit of resignation and compliance, I will accept it when the Lord allows hard things to enter my life.  I do not like living through those moments, especially when it feels like a bottomless pit that will never end.   Even though I don't always understand the “big picture” of the why’s and what for’s of the trials in our lives,  I know His ultimate goal is to transform me into a woman of God who reflects His glory and grace.  I know that some of those difficult times are as a result of unwise choices.  I cannot complain (though I will….) because I feel like I deserve it as I chastise myself over and over with unrelenting self-deprecation.

The problem is when my Heavenly Father wants to bless me.  I have such a hard time accepting those gifts.  There's an overwhelming sense of unworthiness, that I am undeserving (and I am) of anything good He wants to bring into my life.  I have never had a sense of entitlement like I have seen in some people – that God owes me anything -- and I have always been grateful for any crumbs of mercy that fall into my lap from His table of grace.  Those blessings create such magnificent awe and incredible wonder as I reflect on how much He loves me and wants to give good gifts to me as His precious daughter.  He does see me as precious, and He loves me more than any human on this earth ever could.  And its during those moments that I can only bow in silence as my fragile spirit yields innumerable tears of joy and unspeakable happiness. 

It’s a very complicated process because I love to be on the giving side – to be a blessing to others when I can – and I am so pleased when the Lord sees fit to use me in that way.  But to be on the receiving side of His blessings – to allow myself to accept His gifts graciously and with joy – that is an ongoing process which He is continually stirring about in my heart.  I am always careful to give Him the glory and praise for anything good He chooses to give to me, but I know I need to learn how to accept those gifts with a spirit of graciousness and humility.  I haven’t quite figured out how to do that, but I know He will lovingly and patiently teach me as He showers me with His love.  

Thank you dear Father for loving me as you do
 and for all the sweet blessings you bring into my 
life, and may I always be prompt to respond with
gratitude and joy.  In your sweet name I pray, Amen.