I’ve heard these expressions before and they are quite diverse in their meaning. What is our motivation for doing what we do in this life? For loving whom we love, for giving what we give? Do we feel obligated – because that’s what we think is expected of us from the people we’re reaching out to? Do we respond out of a sense of duty to the love we have received from other individuals? Do we do things for God because we think that’s what He wants from us, to get His approval? Do we even know how to evaluate our motives to determine why we do what we do or has it just become so automatic and senseless that we operate out of a sheer guilt? Do we even understand what grace is all about or how to accept God's love for us?
38 As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them. 39 When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.” 40 Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.” “Tell me, teacher,” he said. 41 “Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii,[a] and the other fifty. 42 Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?” 43 Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.” “You have judged correctly,” Jesus said. 44 Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair.
There is this friend of mine who was married to a man who basically stayed in the marriage for many years only as a “duty of the will." He later admitted to her after the marriage was over that he realized he never did love her as a wife, but only as a friend (after several kids later), and it was fairly obvious to her that he never cared enough to cultivate a “habit of the heart” regarding their relationship. He was never motivated enough to want their marriage to work. In fact, on one occasion, after they were separated, he said if she ever wanted to reconcile with him, he would be open to that option. She was quick to ask him, “is it because you love me and can’t live without me or is it because of the kids?” He was reluctant to respond, but he replied, “Well it’s because of the kids initially, but ---” and he never finished the sentence. She said to him with sadness in her voice, “I'm sorry. It has to be much more than that for it to work; it has to be from your heart and not out of a sense of obligation.” Unfortunately, nothing ever happened and their marriage did die a slow and painful death.
Another friend often questioned the motives that people have for doing what they do in the spiritual realm. She made it sound like their motivation was so “works-oriented”, that they were just trying to get God's acceptance for their actions and good deeds. Unfortunately, that may be true for some people who have that mentality about giving back to God, about understanding (or their lack of understanding) grace. It is quite sad to know that those people are often clueless about who they are in Christ, and they do not perceive that they are indeed worthy of God’s love. They often feel worthless and uncared for – which may have resulted from a neglected, sometimes abusive background growing up or through various losses they may have experienced throughout their life. It is very difficult to get these people to segue into understanding and accepting God’s impeccable grace and love for them. It often requires a miracle for it to be developed within their heart – for them to transition into truly loving God as a "habit of the heart" rather than as an obligatory "duty of the will."
For others, their motive is as it should be – it comes from a lifelong habit of the heart – something that has been cultivated deep within them on a continual daily basis. The whole dynamics is sort of a swivel, somewhat reciprocal, circular motion – they sense the Lord’s love for them and as a result, they turn around and give back to Him through reaching out to others. They feel blessed and loved by the Lord, so they want to reach out to others who need to see the Lord for who He is. Their desires are pure and endearing, and people will often respond by accepting the gift of God’s grace and salvation when they sense the Spirit’s compelling invitation because they can actually see Jesus in these people who are reaching out to them. Then this process starts up within them with that circular back and forth rhythm – where they now want to give back to the Lord for his loving kindness expressed to them.
Where are you in this spectrum? Do you know and understand how these two dynamics affect your life? Do you know that if the Lord is extending His hand of love to you, it will most definitely be accompanied by an incredible sense of peace? My prayer for you is that you will be able to discern the difference and apply it to your day to day living. May people see Jesus in you and be drawn to Him because of who you are in Him. May you indeed love Him as a deep habit of the heart and not merely as a duty of the will. I John 4:19 – We love because He first loved us.
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