Friday, August 10, 2012

Death of a Vision

I remember when I first read the story in Genesis 22 of Abraham when he was on the way up the mountain with his son, Isaac -- to sacrifice him.  I did not fully understand the implications initially, and when I did, I was horrified.  Literally, Abraham embarked on what was probably the most difficult journey of his life.  It seemed to be such an impossible situation: first that God would even ask Abraham to do this, and secondly, that Abraham would be willing to go that far to obey.  In the passage, there is no indication that he even questioned God or perhaps suggested a different kind of test. As a parent, it is something I just cannot fathom.

Earlier in Genesis 15 just before God entered into a Covenant with Abraham, He promised Abraham that his descendants would out number the stars in the sky.  That was a major large scale commitment.  And then a few chapters later, Abraham is asked to sacrifice the source, the origin of those future descendants - his son Isaac. I don't fully understand why God thought it necessary to test Abraham's faith like that, and I have to confess, I would not be willing to do that had I lived back then.  Maybe it's because I'm a mom (you notice you don't see Isaac's mom mentioned in this story). One can only imagine what thoughts were running through his head.   Interestingly, hundreds of years later, we read "the rest of the story" in Hebrews 11:19, where we see what Abraham must have been thinking when he made this painful journey,  "He considered that God was able even to raise him from the dead, from which, figuratively speaking, he did receive him back." 

The key is that Abraham  had to be willing to put to death the vision he was first given by God at the beginning of that momentuous Covenant with him years earlier.  He had to believe in his heart that God was supremely sovereign in His life and if he were willing to obey, God would bring his son back to life. 

Several times in my life I have had occasions where I was faced with the choice of putting to death my vision of what I thought I wanted or needed at that time.  It was never easy for me - to be willing to give up what was on my heart, whether it was something for one of my children, a particular job I desired, a relationship I wanted to keep, etc.  Each time I was faced with the prospect of insisting to God that I just had to have this -- but, ultimately I had to be willing to give it up to Him, to put to death that vision.  Sometimes, He would allow it to die a slow but merciful death and then offer me another vision, and a new, better door would open for me.  It took a while for me to come to the point of being able to say with a sigh of relief, "thank you Lord, that you knew what was best for me.  Thank you for protecting me from walking down the wrong path, or making the wrong decision or wanting the wrong thing (or person) for my life."  There have been other times when, after putting that vision to death, He would bring it back to life - because it was what He wanted all along for me.  Either way, I had to be willing to give my heart back to Him, to show Him my desire, my passion was for His perfect will in my life and not my own.

Undoubtedly, it was during the transition of those moments that was the most difficult - the waiting it out, the healing of the broken heart.  It can be a time sensitive thing, and it is never easy.  But the Lord has shown me that He cares so much for me throughout my journey with Him.  As He wraps His loving arms around me, He prepares me for a different path to travel, an alternate route to take, and I am in awe of the quiet peace that He has placed in my heart.